Monday, November 08, 2010

Green Eyed Monster

So, I am jealous.

And I feel like the awefullest person in the world.

I am so sad and jealous when I should be overthemoon excited for some of the most wonderful women I know.

I'm jealous that it seems like everyone I know is pregnant.

Al, Tina, now Ashley.

And I am SO THRILLED that they will be welcoming a beautiful and special child into their lives.

But it also serves as a reminder of my failure.

I have been "on the waiting list" for referral after referral to specialist after specialist. Cancelled appointment after weeks, repeat repeat. Call and beg, repeat repeat.

Our 5 year anniversary was wonderful and special, but it also shows how long we have been trying and unsuccessful.

Rob is a wonderful husband, he never blames me or says anything that isn't loving and supportive.

But he is also honest with me, that he doesn't want to be "older, in his 30s" when he has his first child. And I don't blame him.

Anyways, this post isn't to complain, more to vent my helplessness and frustration.

And sorrow, that all my friends are experiencing the happiest time in their lives as a woman, and I can't.


Blogger Just A Girl said...

Hey Sarah,
I stumbled on your blog and just want you to know I'm praying for you. It has to be a tough spot you're in and I can't imagine the mixed bag of emotions you're feeling.
Be blessed,

8:37 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Hi sweetie! Just wanted to say that I love you sooo much and I have gone through the same thing! When I was trying and trying and losing my baby, I saw all of these women around me getting this beautiful gift and I couldn't. It is very hard to be happy for them when it feels like they're stealing something from you. But hang in there-we all love you very much!

5:52 AM  
Blogger Big Mac mama said...

Thanks ladies! I was having a very down day I guess - your encouragement means so much!

1:59 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home